sometimes I wonder what God thinks of my aspirations.
I imagine myself sitting at His feet, starry-eyed, babbling incomprehensibly about my I'm-going-to list, and He responds in either of these two ways:
1. He breaks my bubble in the gentlest of ways possible and tells me "My child, you have no idea how much more I can offer you..."
2. He goes 'whoohoo!' and cheers, 'You go my gorgeous!'
or maybe He just listens and smiles indulgently at my foolhardiness, knowing that one day I would finally know better and leave it all to His hands.
before I returned to God, I was always uptight about the things I wanted to do but couldn't. there was always one more assignment to rush, tons of work left to do, or other more pressing matters at hand. in short, my wants were secondary to the major needs (or what I interpreted needs to be) in life.
want to take up Japanese classes? maybe next year. fancy teaching in Osaka? forget about that until the teaching contract is up. always wanted to get hitched? if that beau even appears in the first place.
my mind was fraught with fear because there was always so much to do and so little time to see anything through. most days I was just battling my way through in the hopes that I could survive the day-much less the week-such that thinking about the distant future was just plain mockery of my dreams.
but God promised that He's never a second too late. if anything, He orchestrates the symphonies of our life, bringing together our hopes and His dreams for us in the most unexpected harmony ever. in light of that, I find my fears foolish and irrelevant.
I once read somewhere that God is our Master Designer. we can trudge through life oblivious to God's handiwork, but that's alright as long as we abandon ourselves to Him and be fully assured of His promises that He is always at work, always weaving and sewing, and neither slumbers nor sleep.
this doesn't mean I understand any more what God has in store for me; this doesn't mean that I have since done away with my own silly wants; this doesn't mean I can keel over and sing Hallelujah at everything God wants me to do.
but I'm learning, and I know Someone's holding my hand--Someone strong, sturdy, ever-loving. Someone who is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
