It's Ok to Rest. Jesus Will Fight for Me.

the routine and demands of everyday life is catching up with me.

if anyone needs to find me, they only need to look in one of these four areas and I'm bound to be there: at my cubicle, poring over essays with grammar fit for the concoction of a linguist's poison. in class, a surrogate mother to thirty-five. at home, just glad to be there or on bed, getting ready for war in five hours' time.

so much for the creativity of life.

but I'm not complaining. God has a way of infusing into what seemed like mundane routines teachable moments, and they never fail to excite, humble and impart revelations.

to illustrate case-in-point, I walked into class one day expecting the usual. besides the fact that this class has the supernatural ability to cause internal haemorrhages (in me) at times, they are lovable and never fail to make me want to be a better teacher, to them and for myself.

among them is a boy whom I believe (at times when I'm seething mad) God put on earth for a specific purpose--to test the patience of mortals and saints alike. without him, the class is picture perfect. with him, it is akin to splashing red on Van Gogh's Starry Starry Night. in short, he is every teacher's starry nightMARE.

to cut the long story short, something transpired and it led to a confrontation between  him and me. it ended off with some fistfights, blood and call for revenge.






ok, no not really. but at least it looked to me like that. the truth is, it ended in strings of antagonistic challenges and a spit-- a heroic display of mock fearlessness and bravado.

to say that I wasn't affected would be a continental lie. afterall, I always assumed I had total control and leadership of the class. no feat could intimidate me, and I could silence the class with just one cold stare. I hated to think how the class would view me now. so Miss Tey's guts are really proportional to her size. ha.

as I cried myself silly in the secrecy and quiet of my cubicle, I began to think that God wouldn't allow such an atrocity to happen for no reason. and as quickly as that thought came, so was the certainty of hearing God's voice known.

whatever happened was not to humiliate, but to humble. unbeknownst to me, I had built for myself a tower of pride, a hubris that, if not treated, would mutate into a malignant tumour in my spiritual body. if I want to give God full ownership of my life, nothing cannot be excluded. there needs to be a timely reminder that God is King, of my life, of my relationships, of my classroom.


and what better way to be reminded than to get spat at.


no matter what happens, I know with certainty that wherever God leads, surely His provision is in the package. everyday I count on His still, gentle voice to get me through. everyday I look out for His 'just because' messages. everyday I tell Him I need Him everyday for the rest of my life.


thank you Lord, for weathering the storm with me, and for me.

Knowing Even in the Unknown

as I look back at 2009, I do so with gratitude and humility.

my lens is tinted with surprise- surprised that I am regarded as significant, that I am even considered in the first place. I mean let's face it, if I open my closet for sunning, the light might not even reach the crevices of those shame and woe. it's skeletons that prefer to remain hushed behind closed doors; it's a muted silence that thrives on its own iron curtain.

who would be interested in this dead air?

I guess God is, because these don't kill the fact that He can make water into wine, that He can retrieve a pearl from an oyster, and that 2009 was a special year to me. I misintepreted His silence as abandonment, when all the while He was paving the path back to His arms.

just as there is a time for the snow to fall and the flowers to bloom, so is there a season for the events that transpire in one's life. I was convinced that my life has reached the ruts, and no one in the right mind would want to dirty his hands trying to get me out.

but I suppose God is in the business of recycling (using thrash) and renewing (turning thrash to treasure). so much has been done to cake my spiritual being with dirt that I thought trying to get back would be a continental waste of energy. but I came to realise that my God is above all impossibilities, and there is no expiry date to His love for me. it does not stagnate, for they are new every morning. it is not conditional, for there is nothing I can do to earn it.

2009 started as particularly unspectacular. if anything, it was fraught with fear about the uncertainty of future and fulfillment of mammoth expectations. but luckily it is not how we start the run, but how we end the race that matters. as I end the year, I am certain that there are now two pairs of feet standing at the threshold, ready to make the leap. I don't know where God would take me, but I know He would paint the skies for me, I know He would wipe away my tears, I know He would go all out to make sure I sleep safe at night.

and I know it's going to be an adventure of a lifetime.

thank you Lord for making me a work in progress. thank you Lord for being my giant-slayer.