Knowing Even in the Unknown

as I look back at 2009, I do so with gratitude and humility.

my lens is tinted with surprise- surprised that I am regarded as significant, that I am even considered in the first place. I mean let's face it, if I open my closet for sunning, the light might not even reach the crevices of those shame and woe. it's skeletons that prefer to remain hushed behind closed doors; it's a muted silence that thrives on its own iron curtain.

who would be interested in this dead air?

I guess God is, because these don't kill the fact that He can make water into wine, that He can retrieve a pearl from an oyster, and that 2009 was a special year to me. I misintepreted His silence as abandonment, when all the while He was paving the path back to His arms.

just as there is a time for the snow to fall and the flowers to bloom, so is there a season for the events that transpire in one's life. I was convinced that my life has reached the ruts, and no one in the right mind would want to dirty his hands trying to get me out.

but I suppose God is in the business of recycling (using thrash) and renewing (turning thrash to treasure). so much has been done to cake my spiritual being with dirt that I thought trying to get back would be a continental waste of energy. but I came to realise that my God is above all impossibilities, and there is no expiry date to His love for me. it does not stagnate, for they are new every morning. it is not conditional, for there is nothing I can do to earn it.

2009 started as particularly unspectacular. if anything, it was fraught with fear about the uncertainty of future and fulfillment of mammoth expectations. but luckily it is not how we start the run, but how we end the race that matters. as I end the year, I am certain that there are now two pairs of feet standing at the threshold, ready to make the leap. I don't know where God would take me, but I know He would paint the skies for me, I know He would wipe away my tears, I know He would go all out to make sure I sleep safe at night.

and I know it's going to be an adventure of a lifetime.

thank you Lord for making me a work in progress. thank you Lord for being my giant-slayer.